Ah, The Safety of Puffalopes

636042411318026931-471225797_patrick_star_ice_creamsOut of all of the characters in the cartoon world, Patrick Star has to be my favorite. I know most of you may actually find SpongeBob Squarepants utterly annoying, but having a son who watched him growing up, and grandkids who watch him now, I have found Patrick to be the ultimate in things that make absolutely no sense, but are really senselessly funny. One of his most admirable quotes to me was when he said “It may be stupid, but it’s also dumb.”  Can you just see trying to argue with that logic? But crazily enough that logic is actually kind of sound in an odd sort of way.

Now I have to honestly say that while my Parkinson’s has changed me physically, the mental changes have by far been more challenging. My ability to focus and remain on task suffers greatly. It is sort of like this picture I saw that said “Roses are red, my name isn’t Dave, and this is really random, microwave.” It seems that’s how poetry goes for me anymore, and while frustrating, it can be equally hilarious as well. My memory, well, let’s just say I can’t actually remember when my memory actually worked like it was supposed to. Parkinson’s creates significant memory and cognitive loss, and can lead to Parkinson’s related dementia, so I decided to give up my memory in order to forget about the dementia. You spend a lot of time Knowing that while you have not completely lost your marbles, you realize that there is a hole in the bag, and you become very good at disguising that and hiding that from others.

With the cognitive and memory changes comes emotional changes as well, but I have actually found that my sense of humor has increased, and usually, the sillier something is, the more hilarious it is to me. Unfortunately, I am afraid this is annoying at times to those around me (much like Patrick), but I am glad that I am at least headed in that direction, instead of being depressed or sad, emotions that I also experience in pretty extreme ways sometimes. But anyhow, although this is pointless, I do have to get back to “It may be stupid, but it’s also dumb” point

This is not negative,  so that is why I wanted to pick some things that make me laugh, and also make little to no sense. I have some very important questions for you to think about in the first part. Question one: if I wasn’t meant to eat food in the middle of the night, why is there a light in the fridge? Question two: why is “W” called double-‘u’ when it is actually two V’s put together? Question three: what if Algebra teachers are really pirates, and when they tell us to find “x”, it’s so they can take the treasure?  Final question: Why is math the only place where someone can by 64 watermelons and nobody really cares why?

I also like words that are not real, but are so convincing in their use that you would think they were. I cannot take credit for these, but they are out there on the internet.

Jobfusticate – To arrange matters such that to other people your job appears to be so complex and technical that nobody else (least of all your boss) can understand exactly what it is you do

Outrance – The opposite of entrance.

Puffalope – One of those padded, puffy envelopes.

Opsablepsia – The inability to look someone in the eye

Fantabulous – An amalgamation of fantastic and fabulous.

Sploop – The flat, rounded corner that gets created when you drop your bar of soap in the shower.

Exhaustipated – Too tired to give a crap.

Please note that my favorite is lunch: a loved exercise somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. I love me some lunch.

Now, I know all of this may seem pointless, but I do believe laughter is some of the best medicine you can have, regardless of the struggle you are facing. You can read self-help manuals and study on logic like “when one door closes, another opens”, but I also believe that when one door closes, you just turn the doorknob and open it back up; that’s just how doors work. You may have days when you are holding a stick and everyone around you looks like a piñata, or you may experience those awkward moments when you take a shower in the middle of the afternoon and you don’t know whether to put on regular clothes or pajamas. Whatever comes around that tries to trip you up, find a way to laugh at it, and if it does happen to trip you up, wrap yourself in puffalopes so that the fall doesn’t hurt.

#noquit #justbe #bike2live #litwithin #move4PD #teamfox #parkinsons



Make Your Fat Squall


I have to say that I have been in similar contorted positions as the lady in this picture, and the good news is that it wasn’t from Parkinson’s disease. No, my contortions have resulted from soreness or cramps as a result of “gym time” or “arm day/leg day” or my favorite “pose in front of the mirror at the gym while I work out time”. Don’t act like you don’t catch the random occasional pose if you frequent the gym and get the chance to pass in front of a mirror. I will call you out if you won’t admit it. Now, please keep in mind that for those of you who don’t know me, I am not a fitness guru, nor am I some hulking beast who can’t fit into normal clothes because of the size of my muscles. Most of the time, if I can’t fit into normal clothes, it usually has to do with extra dessert or too much barbeque, and it usually only affects my waist. For those of you who do know me, you are simply saying “yep” to yourselves right now, and nodding in agreement.

For me, working out is not about sculpting the body. For me, working out is a necessity to take control of my body. It is no secret that I bike, but given my work hours, biking time struggles to happen in the winter, so I work out in a 24 hour gym. I use exercise as a complementary therapy to my medications, and to help build balance and strength. But trust me, even if your fight isn’t Parkinson’s, exercise, well that is one you have to ease into, sort of like those cheap “pleather” (plastic leather) shoes that you know you have to wear that will hurt your feet and give you blisters. It’s not going to be comfortable or pretty. As the years added up in my life, I honestly thought that if the good Lord had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have attached them to my knees instead of my feet. I found every reason in the world for most of my life to not exercise, but back in March, I was given one reason to not miss exercise in my life, and that was PD for me.

Now I am not one of those guys who is loudly exclaiming “Making excuses burns zero calories in an hour” or “Sweating comes from making your fat cry”, although the latter was kind of funny when I read it. I believe fitness actually draws on much more than our muscles, and actually grows much more than our muscles. There is a guy in the social media world that I have now had the pleasure of chatting with named Christian Banda. He is a fellow brother in the land of Parkinson’s, but this guy was the “First person with Parkinson’s to complete multiple Spartan Race obstacle course trifectas.” (It’s in quotes because that is straight out of his bio), but check him out at christianbanda.com. This guy is a Spartan beast, and he had these words to talk about fitness and PD: “PD is a part of me, but does not define me. In fact, it has elevated me to another level of grit, determination and perseverance that has transcended me in all aspects of my life.”

See, the really great part about challenges and the fitness and the fight that we bring to those challenges will actually make us greater as individuals. We suddenly find the warrior inside of us, and find a new fight in us each day. But even greater, our lives transform into the positive, and to coin the words of the artist Thomas Kinkade, suddenly, “I am a warrior for light.” That is why you see the #litwithin in my blogs or on Christian’s pages or Ninja Warrior Allie Toepperwein’s pages because we are not letting PD darken us, but instead to make us warriors for the light that is inside each of us, the light that you too carry inside of you. It is also the hashtag for www.LitWithin.org, an organization with the mission to empower people with disease of any kind and at any age. Donated funds are used to support various causes and outreach, and to educate and inspire people to take their lives back from their disease that grips them. Look for the ‘donate’ button. My soreness, my cramps, my contorted body when I wake up with that in the middle of the night is a wonderful reminder of how my light is growing inside, and how PD is actually shrinking when it comes to who I am. Remember your strength today, and remember to make your fat squall like a baby in the gym, but please use deodorant before you do. Have fun!

#noquit #justbe #bike2live #litwithin #move4PD #teamfox #parkinsons